Tuesday, April 28, 2015
A to Z April: X Reviews - The Xander Years by Keith R.A. DeCandido/The X-Files: Book of the Unexplained by Jane Goldman
TONIGHT, PART 1The argument started when Cordelia saw what Xander was wearing.
He had only just walked into the Bronze when Cordy started in on him. "My "God, " what is that outfit?"
"It's called 'clothes.'"
"No, "I'm" wearing clothes. "You" are wearing rags. Xander, do you even know what it means to accessorize?"
Shaking his head and rolling his eyes at the same time, Xander replied, "Yeah. "To accessorize." A verb deriving from the noun "accessory." Loosely defined as, 'Caring way more about what you're wearing than necessary for simple human interpersonal contact.'"
Gesturing as if she were pleading with Xander to not jump off a high ledge, Cordelia said, "Xander, clothes are what define who you are to the world. They put out a message that says, 'I'm cool' or 'I'm a jock' or 'I'm a computer geek" or in your case, 'I'm a loser with no redeeming social value.'"
It went downhill from there, at least up to the part where they made up by necking near the restrooms.
Xander returned home and fell more than sat on his bed, not even bothering to clear a space for himself -- he just collapsed onto the dirty laundry festooned on the sheets and stared at the ceiling. All in all, it had been a typical date: arguing for an hour, necking for an hour. "Not exactly how I pictured dating, he thought. Certainly not how all those fantasy dates with Buffy went in my head."
He turned toward the bedside table to stare at the photograph next to his clock radio. Willow's mom had taken that picture of Buffy, Willow, and Xander sophomore year. Buffy's hair was longer then -- so, if it came to that, was Xander's.
"Things were simpler then, hionship had been set.
Except, of course,for the necking part. That took another twelve years to develop.
The funny thing was, while Willow and Xander had gleefully formed the We Hate Cordelia Chase Fan Club -- they even held semiregular meetings -- Jesse had always had the hots for her, right up until the moment he died. And now Xander was dating her.
"Well, it could be worse, he thought. At least dating Cordelia isn't an immediate threat to my life. My sanity maybe, but not my life."
Shivering with a chill that had nothing to do with the typically warm Sunnydale night, he remembered a certain substitute biology teacher....
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